it doesn’t mean what you think it does

[hyuri]

it’s been less than a month. it feels like most of my life. why can’t I stop; get away from the cause? I suppose it has been, in a way: it’s just an extension of past...

pictures don’t bother me. descriptions, stories of causes—they bother me. strong emotions bother me. I bother me.

I know what changed. I stopped being able to distance myself by focusing on a book, or a game, or a difficult problem. I lost the ability to hide from myself.

mood swings, I know. believe me, I know them.

Comments

[kailieann.livejournal.com]

I vaguely recall losing the ability to hide from myself.
It's rough, but nowhere near as torturous as the hiding was, in the long run.

[rizen.livejournal.com]

So do you just not know the cause, or do you have no way (seemingly) to correct it?

I don't think I ever didn't know the cause when I was doing it, although there were certainly many (prolonged) times I didn't care.