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yeah, so... I think I finally found the problem with my computer. Windows 2000, in it's infinite stupidity wisdom, decided to set up my computer as an "Advanced Configuration and Power Interface (ACPI) PC"—which essentially means that it set every PCI device to use IRQ 9. so my video card, sound card, NIC, and USB controllers were all on one IRQ.
certainly explains some of the error messages I was getting, even if it doesn't fix them all.
certainly explains some of the error messages I was getting, even if it doesn't fix them all.